How Your Sleep Says A Lot About Your Relationship


What Your Sleep Style Says About Your Relationship

How you sleep together could determine how long you’ll last together.

Couple spooning

Everybody sleeps. In fact, we spend about a third of our lives sleeping. Believe it or not, how you sleep alongside your partner says a lot about your relationship. When we’re sleeping, our subconscious rules our body language and conveys our feelings and desires, whether we want it to or not. So how we sleep — tangled with or next to — our partners can reveal secrets about the psychology at play in the relationship.

The Spoon.

two corgis sleep while spooning, how you sleep makes a difference.

This classic sleeping position indicates a comfort with vulnerability. Adopted by a mere 18 percent of coupled sleepers, the spoon is sexual but trusting. Spooning allows one partner to take a protective stance over the other, usually indicating a strong personal bond, but it’s more prevalent in newer relationships or in codependent long-term relationships. Typically speaking, a relationship will mature out of spooning — and that’s a good thing. As comforting as the position may be, it isn’t the most conducive to getting a good night’s rest. If this is how you sleep together now, enjoy it while it lasts.

The Cling.

Flapper tries to kiss man

This is similar to spooning except that the sleeper who takes the protective stance clings to the other sleeper. This often means that both sleepers end up on the edge of the bed because the clinger has chased the other person there. This position can indicate a few things about the relationship: that the clingee is playing hard to get and wants to be chased, or that the clinger is feeling insecure and wants to be closer to his or her partner. Either way, it does not indicate a healthy sleeping style and should be addressed.

The Lovers Knot.

sculpture of intertwined lovers

This position occurs when two people sleep face to face with their limbs tangled together. Like the spoon, it typically indicates a new relationship and is a solid choice for post-lovemaking snuggling. But if you and your partner always sleep that way, it could be an indicator of codependency, which means both partners would have a difficult time sleeping apart. If this is your style, you might want to examine how you sleep together.

The Islands.

two of tunisia's islands

If you and your partner sleep back to back, without touching, don’t worry: this doesn’t necessarily mean that anything is amiss in the relationship. If you get along well, this sleeping style simply means that you are comfortable enough with each other to be independent. Sleeping in the same bed is already intimate—doing so without touching is just the best way to get a good night’s sleep. If, however, things are tense in your waking life, you may want to dig deeper into what your sleep style is revealing. Also, how you sleep together can also depend on your mood that night. Island sleeping can also be the result of fighting.

The Kiss.

hippie couple cuddles

If you and your partner sleep back to back with your backs or butts touching, this likely indicates that you are in a solid, respectful, and nurturing relationship. Couples are most likely to get a good night’s rest when they aren’t tangled up with their partner, but maintaining physical contact throughout the night lets each partner know that the other person is there, supporting them and loving them even in slumber.


What’s your favorite position to sleep in? Let me know in the comments section!

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