Nick Offerman became a household name while playing Ron Swanson on the hit show Parks and Recreation, and while that character’s arc was resolved with the show’s series finale, it’s still easy to see glimpses of the lovable public servant in Offerman’s offscreen persona. In fact, the character has proved so indelible that it’s hard to tell where the actor ends and the character begins. Of course, it’s no secret that Offerman integrated a few traits of his own into his star-making role–including his love of whiskey and his general handiness. Just look at the website for the Offerman Woodshop, the woodworking collective the actor runs with his family. (Interesting side note: the actor himself used pieces of his own on the show and even used leftover wood from the Parks and Rec set to make canoe paddles for everyone). So it’s no wonder that Jimmy Fallon, after receiving a letter asking him what he felt about large piles of firewood, called upon Ron Swanson himself to read a poem. After all, this is the same person who can be seen sitting placidly by a fireplace, scotch in hand, in a 10-hour long yule log video.
With an even fuller beard than usual, Offerman is revealed sitting cozily in a chair beside a pile of firewood and some choice retro furniture (the image of a sitting Nick Offerman would be a great selling point in anyone’s AirBnB listing, for sure). He’s wearing a very comfy looking cardigan and seems to be nursing a cold Budweiser (something he’ll affirm towards the end of his poem, but given the wealth of warming stouts and hot toddies in the world, not our first choice when it comes to fireside drinking). From there he recites his ode to firewood, which we’ve helpfully transcribed in its entirety below:
Firewood, oh firewood, you are my one true friend
I love to chop you in my yard and stack you end to end
Up and down and up again, I swing my trusty axe,
Splitting each piece right in half, with the sound of my mighty thwacks.
And when that pile gets high enough, I’ll shed a single tear
For there is no wood left to chop, but I am still right here.
I’ll bring that wood inside my house, beside the fireplace,
and build a fire so damn hot, it will singe the brows right off your face.
Firewood, oh firewood, today you’ve served me well
I’ll crack open a cold beer, and I’ll see all you sons of bitches in hell.
Of course, while reading the couplets in your head may be perfectly fine (even if you strain really hard to imagine Offerman’s voice), only the actual video will do the poem justice, so here it is.